I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
