i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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