loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
