I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
