Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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