last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
