I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize