I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
