My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
