he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
