I smell stomach acid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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