whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
