If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
