watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
