some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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