Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
