he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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