He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
