so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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