i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Rumble strips road head = magical
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
