whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
