dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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