It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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