You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
