New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
