um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
