The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i love accidental penises.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
