We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
