i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize