Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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