You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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