end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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