Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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