Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize