WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
