I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hippo gnu deer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
