It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
