I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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