Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
