dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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