I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize
