Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
