Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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