so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
