Nicole vs. Life
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
