Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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