Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
