I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
