OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
