I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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