Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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