Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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