Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
