you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
