you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
