remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
