Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
