I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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