you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
