Swine flu. Run for my life!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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