You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
