So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
