alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Cover your peen. We're going out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
