omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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