I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
