Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
