laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
