Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
