Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
