If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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