I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
