Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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