that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
