i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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