Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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