I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
