I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
