She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
