After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
