I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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