Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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