please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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