It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
