Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
