Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
