Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
