She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
