Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
